Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)

There have been so many artists that have gotten me through some tough days/years!!!  I am a music junkie - I pretty much like it all....it just has to speak to me and I can relate, but I do have a favorite and have actually had to buy new Cd's because I played the original one so much that it started skipping.....

Dear Jennifer Nettles and Kristian Bush (Sugarland):

This is not just a note to say that I am your biggest fan, but a thank you for writing songs that I can relate to, stimulate my imagination, and pick me up when I am at my worst.  I loved you since your first single "Baby Girl" and have been amazed how true to yourselves you have stayed, never conforming to what others wanted you to become, sing, or wear.  I think that is the biggest lesson I can take from you both - NEVER CONFORM!!!!!  It's not about what others want from me, but what I want from me.....and your songs have taught me that.

With gratitude,
Tracy


So there you have it guys.....its nothing big or fancy, not anything that is 1000 words long that repeats itself over and over, but a simple thank you for teaching me that sometimes you have to forsake what is popular to do something that is right.  Until next time, stay safe and be blessed.

Tracy

Day 12 → Something you never get compliments on

I never get compliments on the laundry....and to be perfectly honest, it in no way bothers me.  I HATE more then anything to do the laundry.  I was thinking it could be because I don't have a washer and dryer where I am at (still saving) and have to travel to dads or grandmas to do it, but no, that's really not it.  I just really hate doing the laundry.  And then to top it off, I hate the task so much, that it seems that I wait longer and longer to do the laundry and then I have 3 loads or more and it takes FOREVER to get it done.  Its just the most boring job on earth - if anyone is interested in doing the laundry for me, I would take them up on the offer.  LOL - I'm so pitiful right now.

Until next time, stay safe and be blessed.

Tracy

Day 11 → Something people seem to compliment you the most on

Something I get compliments on most are my dimples, which only come out when I am smiling, except the one that is on my chin.  I remember my mother telling me the story that if you have a dimple on your chin, it means that an angel kissed you or something like that....she has one too, so I think genetics had something to do with that.  People have said that when I am smiling and my dimples come out, it lights up a room - makes people feel at ease and they can talk to me. 

Until next time, stay safe and be blessed.

Tracy

Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know

This topic was hard for me today because I feel that everyone comes into your life for specific reasons at specific times, whether good or bad, to show you something about yourself.  So in light of this concept, instead of writing about "someone" i need to let go of, I am writing about "something" I need to let go of.

Something I need to let go of is things that I did in my past that I am not proud of, in particular the way I treated special people in my life.  I am learning that I was quite the selfish person a few years back and it is really not something I am proud of, as it is not something I was raised to be.  My mother is to this very day the least selfish person I know.  I have accepted that in order to really make a fresh start, I have to let go of all the ugly things I have done and forgive myself.  I know I will never be truly changed until this happens....

Until next time, stay safe and be blessed.

Tracy

Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted

This one goes out to a special friend that I feel like I have known my whole life.  The "drift" was totally, one-hundred percent my fault.  As I said in previous posts, there was a time in my life that it was all about me and what I wanted and nothing else mattered.  I am glad I grew up and learned that these "special" friends are hard to come by, and I am so grateful that we have reconnected.

I met her right before we embarked on our freshman year - we were both in the marching band - I was attempting to play clarinet and she in the color guard.  To this day, I still remember her smile and big brown eyes....they were so inviting.  It was in between practice and everyone was socializing, except me.  This was not my best year, I was chunky, quiet and pretty reserved.  This person invited me over to sit down with her and her friends and the rest is history.  In fact, I don't have a single memory from high school that doesn't have her in it.  Together we experienced everything from fashion faux-pas to boyfriends, dances and competitions, hurricanes that left us with no electricity, getting our drivers licenses, getting our first jobs, even karaoke. 

After high school, she moved to Atlanta with some jerk who I won't give the pleasure of mentioning his name, and I went on to my partying, wild and free days and we started not talking as much.  She dropped the loser and met a wonderful man whom she married (I was there for her wedding - with the grace of God, she did invite me) and now has two beautiful babies with - I was still doing my partying days, starting college, leaving college, starting college again. I moved to KY in 2003, received my degree and decided I was ready to return home, but in all actuality, I wasn't.  In 2010, I moved back to KY and I am happy to say that life has taken a turning point for me now....I feel deserving of a wonderful life now -  the kind of life that my BFF has to this very day.  You see, Rebecca Netzel has never given up on me.  Even when we weren't speaking, I always heard her in my mind saying "what are you doing now???"  She is not just a friend, I consider her family....and I hope that we will continue to remain friends for years and years.  I love you Bex - I am so proud of the woman and mother that you are and I am so blessed to call you my friend.

Until next time, stay blessed and be safe     

Tracy 

Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit

Someone who has made my life hell???  Hmmm, well this is how I feel about that.  If you allow someone to control every aspect of your life, make decisions for you and constantly conform to what "they" want you to be, then your life will most likely be "hellish."  As far as someone who has made my life hell, I honestly can't think of anyone -  and with my previous comment, I can say the only one that has made my life hell is myself - by stressing over something that wasn't important and not stressing over the things that were.  Its a constant merry-go-round of emotions that I am still learning about myself.  Until next time, stay safe and be blessed.

Tracy

Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for

There are many people who have made my life worth living, it's really hard to narrow it down.  I have been so fortunate to have a great network of friends and family that have constantly been my biggest cheerleader and supported me even when I wasn't making the best choices in my life.  However, my mother embodies this concept.  My whole life, my mother has been there for me - constantly guiding me, reminding me how short life is, and showing me unconditional love.  She is the one person that I hope to become.  She has all the qualities any daughter would be proud to have in a mother and I am so blessed that she has stuck by me all these years, even when I have given her every reason to walk away.  I can only hope that when I have children, I will be as wonderful as a mother as she is to me.  Until next time, stay safe and be blessed.

Tracy

Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do

There are a lot of things I hope I never have to do, but the one that stands out most for me is I hope that I never have to see pure evil take the life of someone I love and cherish.  People get old and pass, that's part of life, but when someone purposely takes that life away from you, well let's just say, I hope it is something I never have to endure.  I have been watching the news and it's all so depressing, filled with murderers, child molesters , gang shootings....it's really sad.  I can not imagine what the people walking through this turmoil are going through to lose a life so suddenly and without any warning or reason.  It's pure evil and until the world takes a stand and says that we will NOT tolerate the unpremeditated loss of life, it will never change.  Until next time, stay safe and be blessed. 

Tracy

Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life.

This topic is tricky because I can list a bunch of trips and cruises and places I would love to see, but that would just make me sound materialistic and in the grand scheme of life, these things really don't matter.  So I think I would hope that I can remain true to myself, stand up for my convictions without fear, make a difference in someones life by just being a good friend.  I hope I can find a man with a good heart and start a family in the future.  I hope I can watch all the people that mean so much to me grow old and make as many memories as possible with the people I love.  Most of all, I hope that when it is my time to leave this world, that I would be accepted into the Lord's kingdom and walk beside Him forevermore.  Until next time, stay safe and be blessed.

Tracy

Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for

So this is a hard topic for me today....I remember growing up being told that is best to always forgive and forget.....this task seems unattainable sometimes, but as I have gotten older, I have realized that my mother was right (there you go mom) and it is BEST to forgive....forgetting is another demon that I am still mastering.  To be honest, I feel I am a forgiving person and try not to live life with hatred.  I think it causes too much added stress to my already crazy life.  There have been times that forgiving people has been hard, but over time, I have done so and it has made my life and my relationships more meaningful.  Living with hatred is no way to live....it just makes you bitter and I for one don't want to live like that.  I would like to believe that when it is my time to leave this world, that I have been as true to myself as possible, and living with bitterness and hatred is not a way I choose to live.  Until next time, stay safe and be blessed.

Tracy

New blog site

I decided to go with blogger.com for my blog after it came to my attention that many of my friends were not able to link themselves to my previous blog I had at Yahoo.  I really hope this new site allows all of you to follow me on my journey of self discovery if you choose to do so, and remember, become a follower. 

Tracy

Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for

Hmmm....there's alot, but I guess I have to forgive myself for how I treated special people in my life over the last couple years.  There was a time in my life when I "shunned" certain people out of my life because it was all about me and what I wanted at the time.  It is not something I am proud of and I am working hard to repair the damage I have done.  I have learned that life is really short and before you know it people are gone from your life forever before you ever have a chance to make ammense.  These people know who they are and I really want to say that I have vowed to be a better person, a caring person, a good friend, a supportive sister, and a daughter any mother would be proud of.  It will probably take years to repair all the damage I have done, but I am here, I am present, and I am ready to work - so here goes nothing.  Until next time, stay safe and be blessed.

Tracy

Day 02 → Something you love about yourself

I love that I have overcome adversity.  I was 18 when I  was diagnosed with Scleraderma, and it has brought many new changes to my life in ways I didnt think were possible.  In some ways the changes have been challenging, learning to adapt myself to everyday functions that everyone must do, but honestly, I wouldn't change who I am for anything in the world.  Having Scleraderma hasn't always brought out the best in me, but I have learned so much about myself and what I am capable of.  I know that I am a strong woman, capable of doing and becoming anything I choose.  My possibilities are endless - and Im ready to see what the future holds, good or bad.  Until next time, stay safe and be blessed.

Tracy

Day 1-Something you hate about yourself

Interesting topic - ok, so something I hate about myself is how I sabotage myself.  Allow me to explain....I would like to think that I am a positive person, but sometimes I get this voice in the back of my head telling me "things are going good, something is bound to go wrong."  So I guess I internalize that as "get them before they get me" mentality and wait for the bottom to drop.  As I have gotten older, I have realized that while I am waiting for the bottom to drop, I am not being proactive and actually setting myself up to fail.  Of course when I was younger, it was always everyone else's fault instead of mine, but as the years have passed, I have begun to realize that by not being as proactive as I could have been, I have not allowed myself to take every opportunity that has been offered to me.  So this year, I turned 29, and I made a revolution that I am going to take things as they come (good or bad) and see how things play out.  I am living in the "here and now" and not the "down the road" - and so far, so good.  Until next time, stay safe and be blessed.

Tracy

The "Blog" Scene

So I am new to this whole "blog" thing, but recently I read a dear friends blog and it got me thinking that putting your inner most thoughts can be healing, so I am EMPOWERED and ready to enter the crazy world of blogging head on and without fear.  A friend is blogging on a topic themed "30 Days of Truth" and I am really excited to try it because I think thats its important that we all learn our own truth and maybe in some way figure out who we "really" are and the things that matter in life.  Follow me on my journey of self discovery if you choose and maybe we can all learn something from each other.  Until next time, stay safe and be blessed. 

Tracy